Silent Epidemic: Why So Many Men Suffer in Secret and What Real Healing Could Look Like
written by Gonçalo Luz
Across much of the world, a quiet tragedy unfolds. Men - fathers, brothers, husbands, leaders, creators, teachers, everyday working men - are carrying invisible burdens that few around them truly see. They hold pressure within. They hide fear behind competence. They mask loneliness with productivity. They bury anxiety under responsibility. And no one, or almost no one knows.
We don’t often hear the stories. We see the outcomes. The man who was “always smiling,” suddenly gone, the father who collapses under silent pressure, the friend who “didn’t seem the type” to be depressed, the colleague who withdraws more each year until he disappears into work, substances, or hopelessness. Despite decades of mental-health awareness campaigns, the truth is unavoidable: Most men who suffer emotionally are still suffering in silence.
This article explores the why, using the latest research from 2024–2025, and offers a compassionate, grounded look at what real healing can look like: through connection, through brotherhood, through men’s circles, through retreats, and through pathways that finally give men space to breathe.
2,500 empty pairs of shoes laid outside Australia’s Parliament House by Zero Suicide Awareness organization, remind us that men are dying in silence. Photo: AAP/Mick Tsikas
1. The Scale of the Crisis: What the Data Shows
Before we talk about healing, we must face one truth: Men are struggling at unprecedented levels. And the data is no longer subtle. It’s overwhelming. Men Account for the Majority of Suicide Deaths Worldwide. Across the UK, US, Europe, Australia, and much of the world, men account for 75–80% of all suicide deaths. This gender gap isn’t a slight difference. It’s a chasm.
In the UK, men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women.
In the US, nearly 4 in 5 suicide deaths are male.
Scandinavian countries show similar disproportionate rates.
These are not statistics about weakness. They are statistics about suffering in silence.
Depression, Anxiety, Burnout, and Loneliness in Men: The Hidden Pandemic
Studies from 2024–2025 indicate:
About 12.5% of men meet criteria for major depression at any time.
Another 18.5% show significant symptoms but are undiagnosed.
Up to 30% of men report high levels of loneliness, especially those between 30 and 55.
Loneliness has emerged as one of the strongest predictors of male suicidal ideation, yet it remains one of the least discussed. Add to this:
Work stress
Financial pressure
The “provider” role
Social disconnection
Declining male friendships
The absence of brotherhood
The constant demand to “keep it together”
… and you have the perfect storm for internal collapse.
Men Rarely Seek Help, Even When Suffering Deeply
This may be the most tragic part. Across nearly every study, men:
Are far less likely to seek therapy
Delay seeking help until crisis point
Hide symptoms from family
Feel shame about emotional pain
Prefer self-reliance, even when it’s failing
Often don’t know where to turn
Help-seeking itself feels like a violation of the masculine code they were raised with. This leads us to the deeper causes - what’s happening beneath the surface.
Group of men gathered in a men’s retreat
2. Why So Many Men Suffer: The Hidden Barriers
Male suffering isn’t simply personal. It is cultural. It is societal. It is generational. Men aren’t born silent. They are taught to be silent. From early childhood, most boys receive a set of messages, directly or indirectly:
Don’t cry.
Don’t be soft.
Don’t show fear.
Don’t ask for help.
Don’t be a burden.
Man up.
These messages form a psychological blueprint that shapes how men deal with pain for the rest of their lives.
Traditional Masculinity Norms: The Unseen Script
Research consistently shows that the more a man identifies with rigid, traditional masculinity norms, the more he struggles to express feelings, seek help, or process inner pain. This doesn’t mean masculinity is bad, it means outdated, rigid masculinity is dangerous.
The traditional masculine script teaches:
Strength = suppression
Independence = isolation
Leadership = silence
Resilience = emotional numbness
These traits were adaptive during war, survival, or hardship. They are maladaptive in the emotional realities of modern life. Men who follow this script often become trapped inside of it.
What Men Tell Researchers
In dozens of interviews, men describe:
“I didn’t want to bother anyone.”
“I thought it would pass if I just pushed through.”
“I wasn’t taught how to talk about what I feel.”
“I didn’t want to look weak.”
“I didn’t want my partner to see me differently.”
These are not excuses. They are inherited or trained survival strategies.
Shame, Stigma & Emotional Literacy Gaps
Many men carry an internal belief:
“If I feel this way, something is wrong with me.”
Men are not encouraged to:
name their emotions
identify the source of stress
express vulnerability
ask for support
Instead, they experience a vague, confusing emotional storm:
irritability
numbness
anger
emptiness
restlessness
burnout
These are actually symptoms of depression or anxiety, but men rarely see them as such.
Isolation and the Collapse of Male Friendship
Men’s friendships decline sharply after the age of 30. By the age of 40, many men have:
few or no close friends
few people or no one they trust
few people or no one to share the deeper layers of life with
This isn’t just emotional. It’s physiological. Loneliness activates stress physiology, disrupts sleep, impairs decision-making, increases cortisol, and contributes to cardiovascular strain. Modern life has stripped men of the village, the tribe, the brotherhood that historically gave them stability and belonging.
Therapy Often Doesn’t Feel Designed for Men
While therapy can be life-saving and is absolutely imperative in moments of crisis, especially with severe depression, suicidal thoughts, trauma, or when functioning begins to break down, many men struggle to connect with traditional therapeutic formats. It isn’t so much because therapy “doesn’t work,” but rather the environment often feels misaligned with how men have been conditioned to relate to emotions. Sitting in a clinical room, discussing feelings with a stranger, or being asked to articulate sensations men were never taught to name can feel alien, shame-activating, or even threatening. Research shows that men often prefer goal-oriented, practical, structured, or embodied approaches, and may open up more in peer groups, activity-based settings, or male-only environments where vulnerability feels culturally safe. The problem is not therapy itself, so much as the fact that therapy must evolve to meet men where they are. A man in acute crisis, experiencing intrusive thoughts, severe despair, or trauma symptoms should absolutely seek professional help immediately, and therapy can play a vital, stabilizing role. But for many men, combining professional support with community-based approaches, men’s circles, embodiment work, and brotherhood creates a fuller, more accessible path to healing.
Many men feel alien in a therapy room because the format is unfamiliar:
talking about feelings with a stranger
sitting in a clinical environment
feeling pathologized or analyzed
lacking masculine or embodied language
lacking male-friendly structure
Studies show men thrive more in:
goal-oriented approaches
peer-based support
experiential work
embodiment practices
community settings
nature-based environments
In other words: Men need different doorways into healing than just therapy.
3. What Real Healing Could Look Like: A New Vision for Men’s Mental Health
Men need healing that meets them where they actually are, not where mental-health systems expect them to be. Here are the approaches that research (and lived experience) shows are most effective.
Men’s Circles - A Return to Brotherhood
When men sit in a circle, honest, grounded, fully present, something shifts. The armor loosens, the breath deepens, the nervous system relaxes, the truth comes out. Men’s circles create conditions men rarely find elsewhere:
non-judgment
shared vulnerability
accountability
brotherhood
emotional witnessing
depth
connection
In men’s circles, men see their own struggles in the eyes of other men. They learn that they are not alone, that vulnerability is not weakness (it is courage and emotional maturity). This is often the turning point in many men’s lifes.
Men’s Retreats - Space to Reset, Reflect and Rebuild
A retreat takes a man out of the environment where he burns out, stays hiding, or keeps numbing himself. When a man steps into silence, into challenge, into brotherhood, into a container of true safety, into nature, deep transformation becomes possible and tangible.
Men’s retreats provide:
somatic practices
breathwork
meditation
emotional processing
storytelling
rituals
physical challenge
nature immersion
For many men, retreats become the rite of passage they never had. Our India and Thailand retreats, including men’s work, meditation, yoga, challenge and connection are exactly the kind of “modern initiation” countless men are missing.
Embodiment & Somatic Work — Healing Beyond Words
Talk therapy is powerful. But for many men, the body is the key. Men often carry their trauma somatically:
tight chest
clenched jaw
shallow breath
back pain
heaviness
restlessness
emotional numbness
Embodied practices help men:
reconnect to their body
regulate their nervous system
feel again
release stored tension
rebuild emotional capacity
Embodiment is not “woo-woo.” It is neurophysiology. It is essential.
Online Men’s Work & Courses - Accessible Gateways
Not every man can cross the world for a retreat (yet). But he can begin the journey online. Online men’s courses like The Grounded Man, a Journey into Men’s Work, allow men to:
start privately
learn tools
build awareness
take their first courageous step
move from isolation to momentum
This meets modern men exactly where they are.
4. From Silence to Solidarity: A New Path Forward
The truth is this that men are not broken, they are not failing, they are not weak. They are carrying unbearable pressures alone, in a world that taught them not to speak. Men don’t need to be fixed, they need to be supported. They need spaces, tools, brotherhood and pathways that honor who they are, not who society told them or wanted them to be. The mental-health crisis among men is not inevitable: It is preventable, it is reversible, it is healable. When men gather, share, breathe, move, heal, and reconnect, extraordinary things happen. Men become whole, grounded, men become capable of leading with clarity and heart. They remember themselves.
Men’s group in a men’s circle
5. A Gentle Invitation
If you’re reading this and something inside you softened or tightened, you are not alone. If you’ve been holding too much for too long, you’re not alone. If you’ve been feeling lost, numb, overwhelmed or disconnected, you’re not alone. There are places where men gather, where men breathe, where men speak the truth, where men heal, where they rewild their masculinity, wher men remember who they are.
At Inner Outer Journeys, we create exactly these spaces, through:
Men’s circles and Men’s Work seminars in Thailand, at Sacred Grounds CNX in Chiang Mai
Online courses through Rewilding Masculinity
You’re invited to step into a circle, into a journey, into your own presence again. Not because you are broken, but because you deserve to feel supported, grounded, connected, and alive.
References
Suicide, Depression & Men’s Mental Health Data
Mental Health Foundation UK (2024). Men and Mental Health Statistics.
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/statistics/men-women-statisticsHeadsUpGuys (2024). Suicide in Men: Key Statistics.
https://headsupguys.org/suicide-in-men/suicide-stats-men/World Health Organization. Suicide Worldwide Data.
https://www.who.intDziedzic, B. et al. (2025). Depression, Anxiety and Loneliness Among Men in Poland. Frontiers in Public Health.
https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/public-health/articles/10.3389/fpubh.2025.1539822/full
Traditional Masculinity & Help-Seeking Behavior
Mokhwelepa, L.W. et al. (2025). Traditional Masculinity Norms and Men's Willingness to Seek Help.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12117241/Galvez-Sánchez, C.M. et al. (2024). Masculinity and Male Suicide Risk.
https://www.mdpi.com/2673-5318/6/1/2Wagner, A.J.M. et al. (2024). Depressiveness, Loneliness & Non-Disclosure in Men.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S266656032400001X
Barriers to Therapy & Help-Seeking
Lok, R.H.T. et al. (2025). Barriers to Mental-Health Engagement Among Men in Developed Countries.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2667321525000745Sheikh, A. et al. (2024). Why Young Men Don’t Seek Help for Affective Disorders.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11868194/AAMC News (2024). Men and Mental Health: What Are We Missing?
https://www.aamc.org/news/men-and-mental-health-what-are-we-missingBMC Psychology (2025). Help-Seeking Among Korean Men: Masculinity, Loss of Face and Self-Stigma.
https://bmcpsychology.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40359-025-02793-yStaiger, T. et al. (2020). Masculinity and Help-Seeking Among Men With Depression (MenDe Study). https://www.researchgate.net/publication/346698096
