Shedding Light on Healthy Masculinity
Contemporary discourse is overflown with negative narratives about masculinity and discussions surrounding patriarchy, leaving many men struggling with uncertainty about their roles in today's world. Encouraging men to explore healthy masculinity, understand and express themselves authentically, men’s work is an inclusive concept that values growth and responsibility, while fostering deeper connection with others.
Even though one can clearly recognise throughout recent history the harmful influence of unhealthy masculine aspects, it does not mean that all forms of masculine expression are wrong, that men have to repress themselves, with no space for healing. Leading men into healthier forms of masculine expression, while respecting their fundamental nature as men is tangible, and possible to attain. In a world that promotes inclusivity, the path is to promote healthy masculinity, understanding it, listening, promoting healthy debates about it.
Recent trends on gender identity seem to suggest that masculinity and thus masculine work itself have become obsolete. They are wrong. Beginning with the fact that both masculine and feminine’s fundamental natures have a strong genetical and biological base. They are not just culturally acquired, as some want to impose, even if culture plays a role in defining some aspects, and encompassing that there are diverse expressions of masculine and feminine (the goal of this article is not to close genders in boxes, but promote a way to heal masculinity, as well as debate).
In a world thriving to promote tolerance and equality, understanding and exploring masculinity into its depth is imperative, if we want to stop seeing the mistakes of the past.
Let’s explore the crucial and enduring significance of cultivating mature and healthy masculinity, and introduce men’s work as the path to go.
Growing Into Healthy Masculinity
A crucial aspect of men’s work in promoting healthy masculinity, is exactly its role in healing the scars inflicted by patriarchal norms and unhealthy forms of masculine expression (some chose to call it toxic masculinity, in which case one should also contemplate the existence of it’s counterpart - toxic femininity - don’t you think?).
Lack of Healthy Masculine Models
In the process of masculine healing and maturation, it is also important to contemplate the fact that in modern societies many men struggle with understanding masculinity - what it is and what it is not - because they lack row models, specially mature ones, that can help guide them to bring out and express their full innate masculine potential.
It is also important to understand that women, on the other hand, have also played a major role in educating men, not just as mothers, but as teachers throughout at least the first decade of schooling of many men, since the industrial revolution. I am leaving this here as something to reflect on, when we talk about row models, in the context of a much broader discussion of a complex and intricate matter - the history of humanity - instead of falling into over-simplified blaming that only serves a very few in the long run. The fact is that many men (and women by the way) hold distorted views on masculinity that were acquired while growing up, in the absence of healthy masculine role models.
A few questions I like to ask men in the course of my retreats are:
What is your current perception of masculinity?
What do you think contributed to your current view on masculinity?
What was the perception you had of masculinity growing up with the closest man to you?
What was the perception you took of masculinity growing up with the closest women to you?
Where there any men, as you grew up, that you consider healthy and mature row models?
Connection is Wisdom
An important aspect of men’s work, when it comes to cultivating healthy masculinity, is the fact that it promotes deeper connection among men, surpassing superficial levels of interaction, which brings about the ability to learn through shared experiences and acquired wisdom. Men’s work prioritises respect by promoting empathy, active listening, and valuing others' autonomy and perspectives, thus cultivating healthier and more fulfilling relationships - isn’t this what healthy masculinity is about?
Healing is the way
Despite skepticism about men gathering in men’s groups, men’s retreats, and doing men’s work, deeming them outdated or even dangerous, men gathering, sharing and growing together remains profoundly relevant in our contemporary context. Now, more than ever, one needs to listen and understand what masculinity is, before simply repressing, blaming, or shaming it for all wrong doings of humanity. This attitude only creates more wounds, and does not solve any problem. Now, more than ever, sometimes for the right reasons, men, and their masculine expression are under scrutiny. And thus, men require supportive spaces and community, where they can learn and express themselves.
The apprehension of rejection and judgment hinders many men from seeking these spaces: Healthy spaces where men can gather without toxic shame or guilt, just for being men, are of extreme importance. In these spaces, men can share, discuss, develop self-awareness, question their expression as men, their beliefs, but also their downfalls, unhealthy habits, harmful patterns, fears, anxieties and deepest longings. And while doing so, supporting one another to grow into healthy masculinity, while cultivating compassion and deeper relationships.
In the quest for promoting healthier forms of masculine expression, men's work advocates for active participation in community initiatives and social causes. It challenges the historical tendency of some men to relinquish control, and urges individuals to step forward, contributing to the creation of a better world. Whether advocating for human rights, gender equality, environmental conservation, or spaces for spiritual growth, men's work becomes instrumental in building a foundation for a more equitable planet.
Men’s Work and Healthy Masculinity
At its essence, men's work is a dynamic force exactly dedicated to the empowerment of healthy masculinity, guiding men into a deeper sense of their unique identity and purpose, through listening, understanding, and support. It involves challenging societal norms and limiting beliefs, thus actively contributing to the betterment of the world we live in. Men's work plays a pivotal role in shaping our societal identity, propelling progress, and ensuring that diverse voices are heard. Including those of men.
The Path to Healthy Masculinity
Facilitating emotional, behavioural and verbal processing, men's work serves first as a transformative journey of self-exploration. It promotes deep values such as integrity, responsibility, accountability, cultivates self-reflection, personal development, self-leadership, and supports genuine connections among men. Among other things, engaging in men's work enables individuals to proficiently identify and express emotions in healthy and embodied ways, steering away from internal repression or explosive outbursts.
The importance of men's work lies exactly in its ability to empower men to live authentically, compassionately, fearlessly, in full expression and purpose. Those who engage in men's work tend to exhibit heightened wisdom about themselves, practicing responsibility for their emotions, behaviours, and words. The ripple effects of men's work extend to improving one's role as a man, lover, husband, father, and friend.
Benefits derived from men's work are manifold, including the development of deeper relationships, enhanced self-awareness, profound understanding of men's specificities, personal growth, healing, and transformation. By engaging in men's work, individuals become not only better versions of themselves but also active contributors to positive societal change. Not through repressing their masculinity with shame, but rather learning to expressing it in healthy ways.
Spaces for Men to Grow
Participating in spaces that promote and help man grow into healthy masculinity can take various forms, such as men’s groups, men’s circles or men’s retreats. Cultivation of healthy habits like reading, journaling, exercising, eating a balanced diet, putting screens aside, or practices such as yoga, meditation or martial arts (specially with guidance of lineage teachers), are encouraged in men’s work. Along with this, the brotherhood aspect remains in the center, emphasizing the need for men to connect with other men and cultivate a healthy sense of masculine connection.
Contrary to misconceptions, masculinity needs not be at odds with feminism. In fact, it can complement feminist ideals by addressing the issues stemming from patriarchal norms that affect both women and men. The understanding of healthy masculinity through men’s work equips men with tools to navigate the complexities of gender dynamics responsibly, fostering empowerment for both genders.
Men’s Work as the Path
For those men seeking to embrace their power and purpose, whether in a mens group, men’s circle or men’s retreat, exploring healthy forms of masculinity through men’s work offers a deep transformative journey for them, and those around them. From confronting personal shadows to delving into the multifaceted realm of masculinity, with both it’s darkness and it’s light, men's work serves as a pathway to connect men with their own masculinity on a profound level, and express it without fear in healthy ways. This knowledge not only enhances self-understanding but also contributes to a more mature, compassionate and interconnected world. Ultimately, men’s work is a powerful path towards healthy masculinity, as it strives to create a world where all individuals, regardless of gender, live authentically, thrive emotionally, and contribute meaningfully to their societies.
